10. Conversations often begin with “Put the gun down, and then we can talk”.
9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
8. The cat is on Valium.
7. People have trouble understanding [...]
Phone conversations last 30 seconds
You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes
A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase
Bathroom lines are 80% shorter
You can open all your own jars
Old friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained weight
When clicking thru the channels you don’t have to stop on every shot of someone crying
People [...]
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.2. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
3. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think [...]
1. SportsCenter starts at 11:00 PM and runs an hour. This is a great time to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or talk to your sister.
2. Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game do, in fact, constitute going out to dinner.
3. Unlike you, we essentially want to dress just exactly [...]