10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
9. You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
6. You’re using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, “How’s my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT.”
5. Everyone’s head looks [...]
10. Conversations often begin with “Put the gun down, and then we can talk”.
9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
8. The cat is on Valium.
7. People have trouble understanding [...]
Phone conversations last 30 seconds
You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes
A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase
Bathroom lines are 80% shorter
You can open all your own jars
Old friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained weight
When clicking thru the channels you don’t have to stop on every shot of someone crying
People [...]
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.2. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
3. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think [...]